Yoga and Moi

1 week into the 30 day yoga challenge!!!! I am whatever is less than 1/3rd of the way there! I watched this food show with the actor and director of the Chef movie, I can recall his name, but the show- PHEW

I like how real everything was. It’s simple, no fuss cooking, no edits. The pasta is clumped together? Oh heck, let’s just take it out and try separating it! And there is soo much knowledge sharing happening back and forth that I have been taking notes. I think the show on Netflix is called Chef.. something as well. Chef’s foodtruck maybe?

And then this yoga is doing me wonders. I feel calmer and at peace, so that’s a big plus. If I get through all the 30 days- what a plus!!!

In other news, I’m looking forward to the weekend. The rains have graced us so the weather is screaming for some solitude and rejuvenation! Have a good weekend!

Empowered!

I feel super empowered today! It’s probably all that self-reflection over the weekend doing its thing!

I figured I had to take a stand on things, get my thoughts together, and so I did! I stumbled upon this podcast called Dear Sugars and it’s super entertaining yet full of wisdom! I’ve started writing down some of their one-liners because it’s not something you hear everyday!

Oh the podcast is about people writing it about their troubles, mostly in a relationship asking for advice! I did that over the weekend and mulled over looking for a new hobby, something interesting. I’m inclining towards trying out a boxing class, maybe, just maybe see if that’s something I can take up!

Other than that, I have decided that these check-in calls with my ex are not very..healthy. And the timing of these calls is something! Everytime I feel like I have my shit together, he calls, we talk and I get all frazzled. Maybe that’s saying something about both of us, but only sometime apart is going to help. So the calls have to stop, and I think instead of just ignoring his calls, speaking to him about this might make sense. Not like he’d be willing to date again, then why talk!

I’m not ready to be friends just yet. The other thing that’s been spinning in my head is this whole idea of what are you looking for? On a dating app. So far, I’ve been saying I don’t know. But considering the conversation with my January romance- who wanted something casual and I didn’t, I did some research.

Please, make way because I finally have the apt response that echoes my stand on I don’t know but with a little flair, if you will. This entire weekend has gone in self-reflection, lazing and simply thinking about things. Now that I have a few answers, I feel at peace and calm!

Wait, before this boy called and decided to invade my thoughts- I had a super delicious Japanese meal that doesn’t deserve to be forgotten! Sushi, so fresh and their dim sums, okay bad idea to think of food when I can’t get my hands on it right away.

Anyway, I hope you had a good weekend dear reader!

Weaving

I want to sit and weave,
Like Arachne’s of the days past.

I want to weave threads of joy, patience, and love
Into a formidable picture,
That puts artisans to shame.

But alas! my threads are too thin,
And my talent- nonexistent.

2021- you are mine.

Okay. No new year resolutions this time. They never stick anyway. But, I want 2021 to be my year. Where I do things I want to do each day. I explore new things, learn new things everyday and more importantly live in the damn moment.

I am constantly thinking of who I could have been, what I could have done, if only I had said this, wondering what I did wrong– see? Endless stream of gibberish. However, in 2021 my motto is going to be- everything happens for a reason. Got ghosted- maybe it wasn’t meant to be. Things happen, and I just need to outgrow them all.

Today was a rather emotional day. My pride and joy- seriously my chilli plant that was finally bearing fruits after 9 months, was wrecked apart. My heart was heavy. But now that I think of it, it still saddens me, no doubt. However, I enjoy gardening so much, that seeing my plant fall apart, was just too much to bear. But the roots are still intact so, I guess there is hope.

How has 2020 been..? Let me try summarizing it:

Depression- Openness- Friends- Candles- Garden- Strangers – Silence – Closure. Now for the happy stuff.

I learnt how to embroider, and as my friend said “you’re and old lady trapped in a young soul”. BUT, I am a young lady, with a young soul who enjoys embroidery and I don’t care what the cliche is. Heck, it is so calming!! Forget yoga, forget meditation, embroidery it is!!!

I also baked a lot this year, like a lot. Trying out pizzas, a two tier cake, tackling frosting, understanding pie dough, brownie variants, playing with natural dye in cookies- it has been fun! Other than all of this, my one main key takeaway from all these 363 days has been- forgive and forget.

Also, tit for tat is not cool. It’s rather unnecessary. Don’t do it. What is one thing you would want to remember about 2020? Spill spill! For me, it would be spending quality time with loved ones.

When?

So, when you come close to death in whatever form.. you change. Everything changes. You become more patient, more aware. You want to be yourself again, get back into the groove of things. But it takes a while, oh it takes a long long time.

It has been a month. My 2020 seems to have just begun. I want to erase all of January. I do not want those memories to be engraved in me. I want to think happy thoughts, reminiscence happy moments. But I am afraid, that forgetting the pain, might take me back to the person I was.

Is there an in between? Without reversing too much, and without driving ahead too fast? Is standing still, waiting an option? Waiting for joy to come knocking my door for a change. Making me laugh so hard, my stomach hurts. I want to feel different things. All i am now, is a confident, fearless tiny lilliput. I am still find footing on this shaky ground. I am learning, I am growing. but when, tell me will i feel like myself again?

 

Smile away!

Hiii. I am close to calling it a day, and putting off my assignment for tomorrow. The submission is tomorrow. I am living on the edge lately. But but, today. i am extremely happy. Because in dance class today, the teacher said that i did very well, and it shows that I have practiced (which i did, excuse me). ALSO, she said because i was smiling, she did not notice if i made any mistakes haha.

So smile away, dear reader. Life shall be smooth sailing from there on. Every storm has to pass. I feel mine just did. I aspire to enter 2020, sounds nice too- content and happy. The new job is going well so far, I have been writing SO much, my brain sometimes gets fried. But i feel, with each article,  my speed and understanding of how the article should flow is increasing. That’s a plus.

ALSO my baking page on instagram is lethargicbaker 

Please drop by to shower me with some support haha. That’s all for today. Gooooodnight!

Image credit: Lim Heng Swee/ found on pinterest.

november has come

with exceptional news!!!! I got a part time job. woot woot. I am currently feeling very giddy and over the moon, thinking about that little extra income at the end of the month. Also, how was halloween you guys? I went dressed as Frida Kahlo. It went well! Felt very nice too, had a whole new level of confidence in me.

LILLIPUTIAN is dictionary.com’s word of the day. How is thaaat. Check it out! It  Seems to have a different pronunciation than what I always imagined. I also have my holidays going on. A few assignment submissions are there this week, then I am free free free. I have been binge watching Dr.House, and Castle. These detective shows are making me very skeptical yet observant about daily life. I also started a baking page on instagram, to just utilise all that masterchef knowledge I have gained over the years.

Other than all of this, I cannot believe november is already here! Why is time getting ahead of me? But two more months to make good use of this year! I shall let things take their course, but also have lot of fun before we ring in 2020. Happy Fall! Have a wonderful month ahead!!!

 

So,I feel Grown Up

I feel very grown up at the moment. I was talking to my friend the other day about how I am at this point in my life where I am trying to figure out little things about my life. What kind of music do I really enjoy? Do I even have a favorite color? Is everyone meant to have a role model? Why is technology driving me up the wall? Do people seriously crave social validation in this era of self love? Do I crave it too? Have I ever been in Love? Is being a kiss virgin an actual term people use?

That is just a gist, of me trying to figure out.. well, me. The other day, my friend was saying something and said Oh, like you don’t care. and my best friend backed me up instantly saying She doesn’t. I cannot recall the context that this was said in.. but yes, me not caring is actually trueeee.

Even here on my blog, I’d get sooo excited when people follow my blog, and now I don’t really care. Not to be rude, i mean, sure you’re interested in what I write or falana falana but I write because that is one moment where all these thoughts actually make sense to me and I enjoy the process. With my new random friend too, he has gone back home, and he seems busier than ever. I grew up,if you will and initiated conversation couple of times, then there came a point where I just didn’t have much to say, maybe that is what he felt too and the conversation came to a standstill. And I think that is absolutely okay, I don’t want to be desperate and make conversation no. But I am over, this who pings first outlook. It’s cool, you wanna ping him, just do it. Live for today and have great hopes for tomorrow.

In other news, apart from my self discovery process.. I am travelling in a few days!!!! I am super excited. I enjoy travelling but I dislike packing. It’s so stressful sometimes. And my room currently looks like a warehouse haha. OH, this whole grown up feeling started with me commenting a good ol’ friend’s picture.. we haven’t spoken for years but I am sooo over that argument that we had. And honestly, I have learnt from my mistakes,sounds so cliche but it’s the truuuuth. So life is good, dear reader. I hope you have a great dayy.

image credit: pinterest

 

Life- a game of hopscotch.

My life as of this very moment, feels like a game of Hopscotch.

I keep stepping on the borders and then have to start from scratch all over again. I gave my boss my one month’s notice today. It was not very stimulating- I just got bored, let’s face it. I took up the job in September last year. It has been six months, it’s good enough no?

I was slowly losing interest and got called out for it today when she told me it is taking a lot of convincing to get me to do something.. my laziness was shining through at work. I had the option of continuing the job.. She tried to alter the timings for me.. but then- I just need change. If this job that is just four days a week, is giving me stress- which is clearly not needed- why should i keep at it? I was bugging everyone around me with all my complaints of work. I enjoyed it initially- it felt nice to say, I am going to work! I am getting paid! It was great to be.. busy!!!

But after giving my one month’s notice today.. I feel odd. Did i do the right thing? What if that extra money could have helped us? What about me contributing towards the electricity bill- if not anything else? Should i start over from the first square- let us rewind. Can someone just tell me it was alright to quit, it was alright to be selfish for once and to just think of myself? This game is too tough- my legs hurt. Do i have to keep playing?

… not me

There. I’ve done it. I’ve made up mind. I am going to draw the line before you get too close.

I don’t know if I’m afraid of commitment. I don’t know if I’m making the right choice. But why lead you on only to break your heart along the way? I would have liked for it to go on a little longer if not all the way. A few more dates, but it all felt one sided. You’re wearing your heart on your sleeve while mine is under a shield.

You talk so comfortably about anything and everything to me yet it’s taking me a while to reciprocate. And that’s not how it should be, should it? I want to be able to tell you things freely as well, but heck, I don’t wanna. There. I said it. Maybe not right away, but I myself don’t know when I’ll open up again.

When I told you it’s a sensitive topic, that I’d like to talk about later- whenever I’m ready, I didn’t like the way you tried to pry. If only you knew how sensitive the topic was…

I would have also liked to tell you more about my day, my life- me. But somehow I can’t bring myself to it. You’re a nice human, but you deserve a nicer human, not me.

Not someone whose book has no blank page for you, who hasn’t finished a chapter yet, who is still trying to move on in her own terrible way.

I don’t know how these lines are to be drawn subtly with hopes that our friendship would remain intact. But I can only give it a shot and hope that you’d understand..