Dating Apps: A Saga

I was talking to a boy on bumble and things were flowing welll! We had a video call, we spoke and then we met. Now here is where it gets a little fuzzy.

I felt like he was talking and talking and talking and I contributed a little to the conversation and I also felt like this is someone I could be friends one, and didn’t feel a romantic connection as such.

But I think what put me off the most, is when he said he’s applied to universities to go study abroad. This is probably, *counts fingers* 6th boy I’ve gone out with who has decided to leave the city- SIXTH.

I’m frustrated, tired and just a little sad. I keep thinking it’s like a curse, then some days I think okay I’m doing just fine on my own, it’s less about finding someone to make me whole and more about just having a companion.

Some days I look at the relationships around me and some have lots of drama, so I think I’m better off. Some days I look at the sun sets and think of wanting to share it with someone. So I did what any frustrated single woman would do, delete the apps!

They are gone. I’m little over going out and meeting someone for the rest of the year. Enough. I want to workout, do embroidery, garden, upskill and do so much more. This whole seeking and putting in the effort, into the universe is leading to lots and lots of disappointments.

I’m not sure I can swim through another disappointment, I’m floating right now but my legs are getting tired. I want to just break this cycle but HOW? I don’t know. I don’t know if and when the so-called curse will be lifted but until it does, I’m going to be doing things I love and listening to Jonas brothers on repeat. I’m in my camp rock era hahaha.

2021- you are mine.

Okay. No new year resolutions this time. They never stick anyway. But, I want 2021 to be my year. Where I do things I want to do each day. I explore new things, learn new things everyday and more importantly live in the damn moment.

I am constantly thinking of who I could have been, what I could have done, if only I had said this, wondering what I did wrong– see? Endless stream of gibberish. However, in 2021 my motto is going to be- everything happens for a reason. Got ghosted- maybe it wasn’t meant to be. Things happen, and I just need to outgrow them all.

Today was a rather emotional day. My pride and joy- seriously my chilli plant that was finally bearing fruits after 9 months, was wrecked apart. My heart was heavy. But now that I think of it, it still saddens me, no doubt. However, I enjoy gardening so much, that seeing my plant fall apart, was just too much to bear. But the roots are still intact so, I guess there is hope.

How has 2020 been..? Let me try summarizing it:

Depression- Openness- Friends- Candles- Garden- Strangers – Silence – Closure. Now for the happy stuff.

I learnt how to embroider, and as my friend said “you’re and old lady trapped in a young soul”. BUT, I am a young lady, with a young soul who enjoys embroidery and I don’t care what the cliche is. Heck, it is so calming!! Forget yoga, forget meditation, embroidery it is!!!

I also baked a lot this year, like a lot. Trying out pizzas, a two tier cake, tackling frosting, understanding pie dough, brownie variants, playing with natural dye in cookies- it has been fun! Other than all of this, my one main key takeaway from all these 363 days has been- forgive and forget.

Also, tit for tat is not cool. It’s rather unnecessary. Don’t do it. What is one thing you would want to remember about 2020? Spill spill! For me, it would be spending quality time with loved ones.