Tears of Joy

You know, when you passed away all everybody ever said to me was, I’m sorry. I offer my condolences. Not once did they tell me that I’m going to have to be a strong girl, that it’s going to be a horrible life ahead, and that it’s all hard.

Not that things would be any different if I knew all this beforehand, I’d still be the same person with horrible mood swings and overflowing emotions- the person I am now. If I could do anything to have you back in a heart beat I would, but the universe just has it’s own twisted way of functioning.

You know what sucks though, what sucks is that every milestone that I reach in my life, you won’t be there to witness it or even tell me how proud you are of my accomplishments. Nobody ever tells you that, all they say is you’re around- mentally. Oh screw mentally, it’s all bullshit.

Tomorrow I’m going to know about my future, an announcement so huge that I can’t help but wish you were here. Alive,breathing. Not dead and cremated.

I was never such an emotional mess, but now it happens so often- so unexpectedly. And I think people are tired of hearing how much I miss you, and about how all they can say I’m here for you. None of these words no matter how honest will ever be able to help me.

But you know, maybe someday you and I will meet. Someday like they always say, where heaven and hell exists, I’ll see your face and for once they’ll be tears of joy rather than despair.

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