Very often, my mother asks me,. ” what will you do when I’m gone?” And I never have an answer to that question because I don’t know what I’ll do. I don’t know.
But in moments like these when I’m sitting alone with my thoughts, I realise that life without her would be.. Lonely. It’d be like coming home and realising she’s not there to ask you how your day was, nor will she teach you how to make those traditional dishes you’re yet to master. Most importantly, I’ll end up losing a friend, a shoulder to cry on, and just my mother.
When I was younger, I always had the fear of losing my loved ones. At least twice a week, I’d have these nightmares and then I’d just go to my parents room and just cuddle them and sleep, giving myself that little relief that they’re there, they’re alive- breathing. I never really told them the real reason for all those nights I disturbed their sleep, just so that I can cope with the nightmares.
Eventually, the nightmares stopped but not altogether, they still occur. And I still try to cope. We mature with age they say, but in moments of terrors like these, I want nothing more than just take my pillow and run to my parents bedroom and sleep in between them.
So I guess, when my mother asks me questions like these sometimes just for fun and sometimes in all seriousness, I fear the day my nightmares will turn into reality.